Part 2. Things that make the world explode. EXPANDED VERSION!

Well, first for the good... OBSERVE. The two best infection fighting foods are probably 2 of my all time favorite foods: UNSWEET CHOCOLATE AND PRUNES.

In fact, this whole list sounds great. I'd eat them together!

It's time for round 2, things that make the world explode.

1. Children in bookstores-- how did you know I would start with this one? Children, unless they are cool (see also, nerdy) should be banned from bookstores. Or limited to the children's section at least. There is nothing worse than having a sniffling little kid standing next to you are you are trying to READ (since that is what you DO at a bookstore) sticking his fist up his nose and speaking in what sounds like a mixture of Klingon and Swahili. I would say "kids should be seen, not heard," but the fact of the matter is: kids should neither be seen nor heard.

2. Ford 350-- what is that truck doing in the parking lot of anywhere? That thing has like 25 wheels on it, and the tail end is about 20 feet long. When you park your 350 next to me, how am I supposed to back out of a parking space? I can't see past the tail end of that thing. And honestly, why do you need a car that big-- if you need a utility car, use it for utility-- not for going to the drugstore! What's that thing get, .005 mpg?

3. Automated flush toilets-- now, I know, it's nasty to push the handle down. But you know what is worse? When you can't get that thing to go off, and you want the toilet to flush, but it won't. Or... if someone before you had that problem. Imagine this: you have just consumed a gallon of water and you eagerly pull into a rest stop only to find that in the ONE bathroom, someone has had this same problem, but didn't just have to #1.

4. Fungi-- We have a love hate relationship, but clearly fungi wanted it to be something more, which is why they decided to spend all day and night with me in my house. Fungi, I'm taken.

5. High schoolers in bookstores-- highschoolers may also need to be banned from bookstores, or at least, silenced. I learned all about how some girl sitting near me was going to start making $10.00 an hour at her job as a pharmaceutical assistant, plus she liked the first dress she tried on for prom, and it would fit her even if she got fat because it was a little big, and how her friend went to Fordham college to spread some of her south onto the north... okay, this should tell you exactly why high schoolers should be banned from bookstores. Actually, they should just be banned from cellular service. That'll fix em.

6. Overzealous /incompetent/illogical sales people: on this, I will give a few examples-- besides the all time fail of the girl scouts who tried to get me WHILE I WAS RUNNING--

a. Me: "I want a medium BLACK coffee."

Salesperson: "Would you like a flavor in that for only 0.49 cents more?"

Me: "No, just a BLACK coffee. That's it."

Salesperson: "Would you like a blueberry muffin to go with that? How about some chocolate chip cookies?"

Me: "Nope. BLACK coffee."

Salesperson: "Okay, would like to sign up for a Borders Rewards Card and save 10% on your purchase today?"

Seriously... this salesperson needs to know how to read people. When someone comes in asking for BLACK coffee, specificially, they don't want flavors. And most black coffee drinkers aren't into muffins. If they want one, they will ask. Finally, why would want to spend $25.00 signing up for your card so that I could save 0.15 cents on my purchase and have another card to deal with?

b. Me: "Hey, do you carry any kind of power-point clicker that I can use with both a Mac and Windows."

Salesperson: "Well, do you have an iPhone?"

Me: "Nope, I have a regular phone."

Salesperson: "Well, you should get an iPhone. It will work as a presentation clicker by bluetooth communicating with Powerpoint."

Really? Do people fall for that one? I am not in the market for a $350.00 dollar phone with a $30.00 a month plan! I am looking for a clicker for maximum of $70.00-- if it has a lazer pointer and is wireless and communicates with Mac Keynote AND Powerpoint (turns out Best Buy sold one that does all of this for only $39.99, which is the best deal I could get before the presentation).

c. (as I am buying throat medicine)

Salesperson: "Would you like to try a bag of the new doritos or some body wash with this?"

Oh! Doritos! That's exactly what I wanted for my sore throat! Good call, sales person. I love choking down some jagged corn chips when my throat already feels raw. Adds to the fun.

7. The age-checker at Walmart-- now, I know Walmart is lame, but when you need a flashlight at 4:00 am, you don't have much choice. So I go to check out this flashlight from the uscan (in fact, it has the "cars" movie logo on it, because that was the cheapest) and it starts all flashing at me saying "you must be over the age of 14 to purchase this product." I look at the cashier, helpless, and she comes over and checks my ID! For a FLASHLIGHT with the picture of a kids movie on it?!?!?!?! I don't even know what I would do with a flashlight that is dangerous. I mean, I think flashlights keep you SAFE right? So you don't trip over stuff in the dark and all. Apparently, I am under the age of 14 and flashlights are diabolical.

8. The Twilight book/movie series: Okay, so the plot is this. A vampire falls in love with a girl and wants to suck her blood. The girl wants the vampire to suck her blood so she can be immortal. The tension is that the vampire won't suck the blood. WHY NOT JUST DO IT?!?! Nothing is holding either character back, except the author's need to write 4 books on this premise. I have no idea how it ends, but I did look it up online and apparently the girl gets knocked up. I wonder if it's a vampire fetus. That would at least make for a particularly graphic horror movie. I think there are werewolves too. Maybe they should put James Bond in the movie.

9. The Water Snobs-- I am at the gas station, buying some water when I see a girl next to me. She's talking with her friend in front of the water case. She says "ewww, I hate crystal springs water, it's not healthy. Why don't they have Evian or something, it's much healthier water! I'll have to get a Coke or something." Now... I don't know much about water distillation, but I do know this: water is ALWAYS healthier than Coke, unless maybe you are going into hypoglycemic shock and you desperately need sugar right away. There may be some stuff added in the distillation process, but I honestly can't tell a taste difference between one water brand and another. Smart Water does get rid of headaches, but it still tastes like other water. Water is water folks.

10. The beef with beef-- I am not really sure why, but people have some huge hatred for beef in general. I have news for beef haters out there-- it's not the beef that's bad for you, it's the fact that you are eating too much bad beef. Eating 4-8 oz of lean ground beef alone, or 1-3 ounces of lean beef on a sandwich or potato or as schnitzel is perfectly fine. Beef is high in iron and is one of the only natural sources of manganese, which is an essential mineral. It is super obnoxious to see folks with a large beer belly who eat tons of BBQ a day call me out on eating lean, natural pastrami. Guess what! When I was in the best shape of my life I ate pastrami/corned beef/roast/schnitzel on a daily basis. I have run a 20:33 6k on a beef au jus (beef and juice) sandwich from "the brown barrel" (the only restaurant I know in Waterloo). Don't dis the beef!

11. Women's soaps/ shampoos-- apparently men want to smell clean and women want to smell like a produce section. Am I the only one who has noticed this? I don't want my hair to smell like a blueberry garden, watermelon sunset, or coconut spring. I want it to smell like a shower. And if I have to buy Axe to do this, I will!